BA..BA..BAAA ... Loons

No seriously officer, I thought they were real..

Give thanks to the mighty Norris

As the American Thanksgiving is coming up, I thought it prudent to provide some interesting facts about Chuck Norris. Only one of these came from reliable sources. I leave it to commenters to guess which one!

1. Chuck Norris wrote every single edition of the Choose Your Own Adventure books. He wrote them all under pennames to hide the fact that they are autobiographical.

2. Chuck Norris prefers Mr. Pibb to Dr. Pepper. When asked why, he responded, "I don't trust doctors." He proceeded to shot laser beams out of his eyes and ate the hearts of everyone in the room.

3. Chuck Norris is actually Jeeves from AskJeeves.com.. go ahead and ask jeeves who he really is!

4. Rather that being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way from his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

5. The orginal them song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris-more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up truck. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

6. Chuck Norris has every single copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.

7. Chuck Norris wears a rattlesnake as a live condom.

8. Chuck Norris lives by one rule: No Asian Chicks.

9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at a woman and saying "booya".

10. The role of Alf, from the hit 80s TV show of the same name was actually played by Chuck Norris' penis.

11. Chuck Norris eats pieces of metal for breafast and craps out a tool shed at lunch.

12. In 1945, Adolf Hitler was really kicked to death by a five year old Chuck Norris.

13. Mr. Clean is really Chuck Norris with a shaved head and an ear-ring.

14. Chuck Norris also played the Black guy in Walker Texas Ranger.

15. Chuck Norris found a portal to Hell where he repeatedly gave the Devil a round house kick to the face.

16. Chuck Norris invented american flag pants.

17. Chuck Norris has slept with a woman from every country except China and Japan.
"No Asian chicks."

18. Chuck Norris invented the beard.

19. In the 80's it was discovered that President Reagan had an inoperable growth on his brain. Rather than letting him die, they shrunk Chuck Norris and injected him into President Reagan. There, he fought the tumor and defeated it with a round house kick to the face. The tumor died and Chuck Norris safely exited Ronald Regan's body. Chuck Norris then had Reagan's tumor mounted on his wall next to the elephant that he killed with his bare hands and the dinosaur he shot on his hunting expedition to the Jurassic Period.

20. Chuck Norris has no use for books since he has a little computer that just downloads information into his brain. He likes to think Charles Dickens' stories while he works out.

21. During the 1970's he taught The Price is Right host Bob Barker karate.

22. Every night at 8:00, a truck pulls up to Chuck Norris' house. In the truck are a bunch of orphans. For the next half-hour, Chuck Norris practices roundhouse kicks on the orphans while "It's a Hard Knock Life" plays in the background. At the end of the session, the orphans say "Thank you, Mr. Norris." in perfect unison, then march into the truck in silence.

23. Chuck Norris' penis is so large, that he in fact has to tie it around his left leg so that it doesn't get in the way of his round-house kick.

24. Chuck Norris killed the Pope with a roundhouse kick to the chest after an argument over who had a better beard, Jesus or Norris.

25. Chuck Norris told Kid Rock that God doesn't know why, but Chuck Norris does.

26. Chuck Norris saw evil, spoke evil, and heard evil. Then he gave evil a sharp roundhouse kick to the head.

27. Chuck Norris diabolically invented Vin Diesel in an effort to help win WWII.

28. Chuck Norris came up with the idea for the Total Gym after trying to bench press his own penis. He found that he needed to start with a lighter weight and work his way up.

29. Chuck Norris commands all five lions of Voltron simultaneously.

30. After reading the Letters to the Editor in his local newspaper, Chuck Norris became enraged at the fact that Richard Dean Anderson was considered sexier by women in the coveted 65+ demographic. To increase his sex appeal to older women, Chuck Norris tried to build a Missle Defense System out of a tube of chapstick, six rubber bands, a spork from KFC and a copy of Sports by Huey Lewis and the News. This soon became the prototype for the Total Body Gym Workout Machine.

31. Chuck Norris is actually just Bob Saget in his invincible mech suit.

32. Chuck Norris has covered his entire house in tinfoil to prevent Steven Seagal and Vin Diesel from collectively applying the force-choke to him. When applying the tinfoil, he inadvertantly applied it shiny-side down, thus effectively drawing heat from teh sun into his house. The resulting oven-like enclosure actually damaged his skin and deadened his nerve-endings, giving him his freakish ability to withstand pain.

33. Chuck Norris is a mammal. Chuck Norris fights ALL the time. The purpose of Chuck Norris is to flip out and roundhouse kick people.



Now let's all give thanks to the mighty Norris. Amen.

Gazeebo buried under snow

My dad and I constructed the final parts of the Gazeebo before the snow hit. Here is some pictures of the base and the top (use your imagination). We left the top off so the winter, or Alcona-Boyz wouldn't take it during the winter.



The 'Xeebo base


The 'Xeebo base

Welcome Winter; Destroyer of SUVs

Barries first substantial snowfall has hit, bringing a (hopefully) end to the tornadoe season, and start to the 10 feet of snow blocking the doorway season. Shown below are various webcams that probably arent very visable, as the images were taken at 4am (except for the moonstone one).



Bring it on. Apparently I am not a professional cacher until I have found atleast 60 caches in the snow; 2 down, 58 to go. My new snow tires work. I saw atleast 5 SUVs in the ditches yesterday, some of them flipped. I didnt have any problems at all maneuvering.. in fact it wasn't very fun at all! No slipping, no sense of immenent death.. whats the point of snow?

45km on a broken foot

Girl on couch: Why are you limping?
Juicepig: I walked alot while I was in Ottawa, i hurt my leg.
GOC: You shouldn't be limping, it implies that there is something wrong with one leg that isn't wrong with the other. Did you hop on one leg?
JP: no. My foot is in alot of pain, I figure it's broken
GOC: here let me see..

* CRACK CRACK * SCREAM *

GOC: Yup its broken. Stop limping, it will just heal weird.

Awesome trip to Ottawa, saw some interesting sites, and best of all got free board with an open fridge policy (which I gladly abused). 2 new favorites I found were a portagers trail along the ottawa river in quebec, and "The acid tower" which is the ruins of an old fertilizer factory out in the gatineau hills. I brought Will along with me for that one, and it blew his frickin' mind.


At the Acid Tower


Factory power source


Geo Caching Stats: [Area, Successful, Failed]
Thursday night: [Carleton University Campus, 4, 0]
Friday: [Ottawa/Gatineau/Hull/Rockcliffe , 14, 5] - 45km walk, likely where i broke my foot
Saturday: [West Gatineau, 8, 4]
Sunday : [Meech Lake Region, 4, 0] - 14km walk for a single cache on top of a mountain
TOTAL:
Found : 30
Missed : 9
Not even looked for: 23

I got to see some friends while I was in the O-dot too. One of them invited me to come stay in Manhattan with them for the remainder of my vacation. I am afraid of new york for very non-obvious reasons, but I somewhat regret not going. That would have kicked ass! Instead I opted to stay in ottawa and hunt down tupperware containers... hmm....

The rest of my 7 days were kind of a blur.. mostly because of the blinding pain or walking around with a broken foot. My dad told me that it sounded like my arches had fallen, and that I should grab my toes and ankle and then wring my foot out like a towel. That seems to have helped quite a bit!

Ottawa Vacation Checklist

So I am going to Ottawa for a few days. Driving Will back on Thursday, and caching Friday, Saturday and Sunday with Partying during the evenings with friends. Then Monday morning (1am-ish), Driving Will Back to work. poor Will, the commute is killer!

Here is the Checklist for Caches I wanna Grab while I am there (by day)

Ottawa:



Hull:



Meech Lake:



These are by no means all the caches in the area, but it is certainly more then I will ever get through in 3 days.