JP's guide to the universe

Top 3 things that Blow

Time - Time blows. There is always too much or too little, but it is never just the right amount. Now I know what you are going to say, 'Hey jackass! Time prevents everything from happening all at once!'. But I ask you then, why wouldn't that be super groovy? You would know what was happening, what has happened, what is going to happen, as well as the consequences! Oh, and we wouldn’t have to meet appointments either, because you wouldn’t need to worry about what happens if you miss it, and already know what is going to happen so there is no point in talking to someone about it.

Gravity - Gravity Blows. For many of you this is probably obvious because you have seen videos of planes crashing, and skateboarders crushing their nuts on poles. But I really want to drill it home. Without Gravity we could eliminate hunger, disease, Hollywood, greed, annoying people, and phallus shaped rocks. Makes you wonder, huh?

Lame People - This goes without saying. But the one, and arguably only good feature of gravity is that it often finishes lame people off. Lame people are not to be confused with Llamas or Llama People, which actually kick ass.

Top 3 things that Kick loads of Ass

Friction - Counter-acts all the horrible affects of Gravity. For instance, take the skateboarder crushing his nuts on a pole. If instead he just wrapped himself in carpet and walked around, then he wouldn't get hurt! This of course, leads me to my next most kick ass thing:

Llamas - Llamas are of course, the Spiritual leaders of at least 5 of the universes most popular religions. Llamas can fly and are completely immune to the affects of gravity because of the high amount of friction caused by their magnificent coat of fur.

Kam Pong Gi - A Korean dish, made with spicy chicken and carrots.

My guide to the universe is always growing, please feel free to comment.